The First Week of My Junior Year.

So far everything is going pretty well here at school. I moved in on Saturday the 23rd and started class on Monday. All my professors are pretty great, but the course load that I have is going to take a lot of work. I knew that going into it, but it's different when you're actually doing it and not just speculating about it over the summer. My floor is way more social than it has been in the past, which is a big improvement from the antisocial grouches that were here last semester. All in all I have a positive outlook for this semester, even if it is going to be riddled with papers and research. I'm a history major I kind of saw that coming.

Quote from Dr. Reynolds: "Don't mess with historians, they have time on their hands."

Terror.

They say that when you're terrified, you show your true colors and who you really are. In my 20, almost 21 years on this planet I can honestly say I've never been terrified. I've been afraid of course, who hasn't? It's a basic human emotion, fear. This may sound twisted, but I actually sort of want to be scared out of my mind, because I want to find out who I really am. I would like to believe I'm brave, that I can handle anything thrown at me with grace and dignity, that I wouldn't run and leave other people in the same situation in my cowardly wake. But the truth is I really don't know myself that way, because I've never had the opportunity to find out. We as people tend to believe what we want to about ourselves, and give ourselves qualities that in reality we do not possess, but in our defense some of us don't know we're doing that. We've just never had the chance to prove otherwise. If the day comes, and I get this crazy wish of mine granted, I hope I find out I'm the person I think I am, and that if I'm faced with a horrifying situation I can handle it, even though I'd be more afraid than I've even been in my entire life. I hope that if there are others involved (and I pray to god with everything I have there isn't because I would never wish this on another person) that I would want to help them, and not run. In my heart of hearts I believe I wouldn't run, but like I said in this case believing doesn't mean anything. In all honesty I should probably knock on wood, and be careful what I wish for, but if fate has this in store for me, then fate wins.

Live & Let Live.

I move back into my dorm on the 23 and I can't wait. I feel like I'm getting my life back finally. This has been the summer without end. I love being at home, and being with my family, but I'm not used to having this much time on my hands. My favorite part of the summer was getting to work more hours at the video store. It's a job that I've had since I was 16 and I'll be 21 in October. So needless to say I've been there for awhile and I get along and really like everyone I work with. I get to stay on the schedule for the weekends through the school year and I'm pretty jazzed about that. Yeah, I know, strange girl that likes to work, but I do. But I'm very happy to be going back to school. Hopefully this semester will be as good as I hope.