Sad But True

"All of us, in some way, experience sorrow and suffering in our lives. No amount of economic, scientific, or social progress can eradicate our vulnerability to sin and to death."
-Pope John Paul II-

Bad Idea

I was watching MSNBC today and a program came on about life behind bars. Did you know that in some prisons inmates work on cars that belong to the staff of that prison? I don't think that is such a good idea. The guy working on the car doesn't really have anything to lose( the majority they talked to were in prison for murder) so if a guard makes him angry what's stopping him from cutting a brake line, or two?

116 Years Ago Today

In 1890, Artist Vincent Van Gogh died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Auvers, France, at age 37.

A Cone Zone Quote

"First Lady Laura Bush said President Bush wakes her up every morning by bringing her coffee in bed. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton says Bill Clinton wakes her up every morning by sneaking back into bed. "
-Conan O'Brien-

Last Words

"Let's Roll."
-Todd Beamer-
(The last thing his wife heard him say before his plane went down in Pennsylvania on 9/11)

Remember

There is a movie coming out soon called World Trade Center. I think everyone should have to go see it. Most of the people I have talked to agree with me. No matter what happens we cannot forget what happened on 9/11. The people that lost their lives deserve to be remembered and it's up to us to do the remembering.

Good Representation

I took another quiz. This one told me which Egyptian Goddess I represent.

Your Results:
Ma'at, Goddess of Order, Harmony, and Truth Ma'at was the goddess of physical and moral law in Egypt, of order and truth. She was not much of a goddess, but more of a concept. She was what was right; she was the way things should be. You lead a very well-ordered life. You are just and keep things in balance. You know just how to react to things, and people like you for that.

My Personality

I took a personality quiz and this is the result:

Your Personality Is:
Guardian (SJ)You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.With others, you tend to be polite and formal.As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

It's strange how right this is. It's not perfect but it's pretty good considering the quiz was only three questions long.

Smithsonian Favorites

These are articles from my favorite section of Smithsonian Magazine. I hope I'm not the only one that reads it.

18 Things

I got this idea from Rue Princesse.

18 things about myself I don't think I've mentioned:

1. I am a Republican (okay I've mentioned that, but I don't think I've mentioned I'm a maverick Republican)
2. I don't hate math, it hates me. Well, actually I hate it too.
3. I read about 5 books a week.
4. My favorite type of book is historical fiction.
5. I thought about being a History teacher for about 3 seconds then realized I didn't have the patience for it.
6. When I walk into a library I immediately feel like I belong.
7. I'm extremely proud of my heritage.
8. I am a walking encyclopedia for movies. When my friends have a question about one they ask me.
9. I am very well educated on Greek, Roman, and Norse Mythology.
10. When I was in 5th grade one of my poems was published in a book. It was the worst poem I have ever written.
11. My favorite artists are Vincent Van Gogh and Johannes Vermeer .
12. Before I wanted to be involved in the justice system I wanted to be an Archaeologist.
13. I hate boats.
14. I can cuss in Italian thanks to my Uncle Louie.
15. My favorite actor is Kevin Spacey. The man is talented.
16. My favorite T.V shows are House, CSI, Law & Order SVU, Law & Order CI, Monk, Nancy Grace, Anderson Cooper 360, Cold Case Files, American Justice, Late Night With Conan O'Brien, and Lost.
17. I have two tattoos, one on the back of my left ankle and one around my right ankle.
18. My middle name is Charity, my mother's middle name is Faith, and my grandmother's middle name is Hope.

Witch Trials

There were only three choices:

Deny it all and condemn yourself to hang, because you would be unable to prove the accusations untrue.

Speak, and admit to being a witch, and return to prison.

Or speak and say that you were following another's instructions, and in accusing someone else, free yourself.

-From The Sacrifice a book By Kathleen Benner Duble-

It's amazing what people will do to one another for the sake of greed, jealousy, and altogether stupidity.

I'd Be A Cobra

One day in my Creative Writing class a group of us were discussing what animals we'd be. Basically someone else in the group would look at you and say, "You look like an anteater," or, "You act like a goat." When I asked what I would be one of the guys looked at me and said, "You'd be a cobra." Uh, thanks I think. It could be considered a complement. I hope that wasn't based on looks but, in most cases, it wouldn't really be great based on attitude either. I told him he looked like a Raptor from Jurassic Park. He didn't seem insulted. You ever wonder what animal, bug, fictional creature, you would be?

President McCain Sounds Good

"Glory is not a conceit. It is not a decoration for valor. Glory belongs to the act of being constant to something greater than yourself, to a cause, to your principles, to the people on whom you rely and who rely on you in return."
-John McCain-

I hope that Senator John McCain will run for President in 2008. I really hate Hillary Clinton with a passion. Someone told me McCain and Clinton might be running mates. That would be a travesty, a major travesty. A maverick Republican and a Democrat should not run together. What is the world coming to? I would much rather see a showdown between the two of them. I doubt he will run with Clinton because he is loyal to President Bush. When John Kerry asked McCain to be his running mate he refused. I hope he does the same with Hillary.

I Don't Like Freud

Considering all the messes I get into, I don't know why I had always expected to die clean. Now that I thought about it, this seemed self-delusional.

Freud would have had a grand time analyzing my have-to-die clean complex. But then Freud was an ass.

-From Forever Odd a book By Dean Koontz-

In 11th grade Psychology when my teacher first started to talk about Sigmund Freud I disliked him strongly. Not just because his theories were junk but because he was high we he came up with them. Freud was a druggie. A coke head if I remember correctly. I know Sherlock Holmes is said to have been a user of sorts but the difference between Freud and Sherlock is that Sherlock didn't really exist and Freud's theories are being taught in schools. I am also aware that some poets were drug users and their works are taught in schools as well. For example Samuel Taylor Coleridge's Kubla Khan was taught in my English class my senior year and that man was obviously on something. The reader can tell when he came down because the poem's style changes suddenly. See if you can tell where. I am not trying to advocate drug use by any means but I think the poem was better when the guy was stoned. The difference is simple: Coleridge is poetry Freud is Psychology. Freud not thinking straight effects how we understand the human mind. Or, I guess, how we don't understand it (penis envy). Sorry I had to throw that in there.

This Town

I live in a small town, it's not Mayberry small, but it's small nonetheless. I have dreams to move on to a bigger city (Boston) and in a sense a bigger world. I have always thought it was strange that in a small town where there are less people spaced farther apart, everyone knows eachother's business, but in a city were there are more people packed extremely close together, they don't know a thing about the person sitting next to them on the bus, even though they see them every day. Usually more people means less privacy but in this case not so much. People tell me that more than likely I'll come back home to raise a family but I doubt it. These are the same people that told me I would miss the protective high school bubble when I was thrust into the "real" world. I doubt that too. I'm a different person than most of the teenagers seen today, hence the name of the blog. I don't think I'll ever live in this town after I graduate from college but I always will consider it home. Unless my parents move.

I Survived

I got back from my orientation yesterday and I must admit it wasn't that bad. There was a lot of talking and walking around and some stupid name games but it wasn't life ending. I was mostly worried about the whole bathroom thing until I got there and realized I was getting my own bedroom and only had to share a bathroom with one other girl. Talk about a relief (I appreciate the advice I was given regarding said problem though). The room was similar to the room I will be living in for my freshman year except it had 4 bedrooms off the common room instead of 2. The girls I roomed with were great and we exchanged cell numbers and have plans to get together and watch Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's a weird movie but it's still good. I'm glad I went, I love the campus, and I'm sure I'll be happy there.

I'll Be Needing A Passport

These are my top 10 places I would like to visit outside of the United States:

1. Dublin, Ireland
2. Venice, Italy
3. Cairo, Egypt
4. London, England
5. Sydney, Australia
6. Frankfurt, Germany
7. Athens, Greece
8. Barcelona, Spain
9. Glasgow, Scotland
10. Reykjavik, Iceland

Eventually I'll get around to going to them.

32 Hours

I have 32 hours before my orientation. I really don't want to spend the night on campus but I don't have a choice. I know I should get used to spending the night at my college because I will be living there, but I won't have to share a bathroom with an entire floor when I move into my room in August I'll just have to share with one roommate, however I will have to share a bathroom with an entire floor when I go for orientation. I have an issue with the whole community bathroom thing. I am looking forward to choosing my classes and getting familiar with the campus. I just really hate community bathrooms it's the OCD.

I Wish I Could Meet...

I got this idea from What Would Phoebe Do?

So if I could meet anyone alive, dead, or fictional I would want to meet:

Alive:
George W. Bush
John McCain
Rudy Guiliani
Joaquin Phoenix
Kevin Spacey
Vincent D'Onofrio
Kate Winslet
Rufus Sewell
Gabriel Byrne
Christian Bale
Nancy Grace
Anderson Cooper
Dan Brown
Quentin Tarantino
M. Night Shyamalan
Tim Burton
Danny Elfman
Conan O'Brien
Dead:
Pope John Paul II
Sir Winston Churchill
John F. Kennedy
Humphrey Bogart
Audrey Hepburn
Marilyn Monroe
Johnny Cash
Frank Sinatra
Joan of Ark
Julius Caesar
Alfred Hitchcock
Truman Capote
William Shakespeare
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Agatha Christie
Fictional:
Adrian Monk
Robert Goren
Elliot Stabler
Olivia Benson
Dr. Gregory House
Gill Grissom
Jay and Silent Bob
Nathan Detroit
Dorian Gray
Jack Sparrow
Keyser Soze
Maximus
Willy Wonka
Robert Langdon
Sherlock Holmes
Holly Golighly
Hannibal Lector(if I knew ahead of time he wouldn't try to eat me)

It's a weird mixture but that's my list. I'll probably think of more people later.

Dubya In The News

This is one of the reasons why I love George W. Bush. Yes, I am a Republican (just in case there is some confusion).

Goodbye Vegas

Yesterday I gave my dog Vegas (short for Las Vegas Show Stopper) to some family friends. It was hard to do but was best for him. I will be going to college very soon and will only be coming home on the weekends so I wouldn't be able to take care of him. I didn't want my parents to shoulder the responsibilty because it was my own (that and my dad hates him so I was afraid I would come home to find the dog in the microwave. Just kidding). The people I gave him to are great and already have two dogs and a fenced in yard so he has friends. Well, one friend the girl dog hasn't quite warmed to him yet. I know he'll have a good life there and they were my first choice for the role of adoptive parents. He will be spoiled and I have visitation rights so that's good. It's strange not having a yodeling bichon around and I miss him, but I'll get used to it.

A Short Trip

I took a trip down memory lane today and it was a short one. I was remembering high school and because I just graduated in June it didn't take me long to conjure up that particular part of my past. I saw and heard a lot of things in those 4 years that were just stupid. It's amazing the things teenagers do to eachother and themselves. They're like land mines; one wrong move around them they explode. Bump into a Senior in the Hallway and see what happens and trust me it isn't pretty. Look at them the wrong way and pick a fight, take a chair in the lunchroom and start a war, stand up for yourself and become a bullseye. I never understood teenagers which is strange because I am one. Granted I'm not the average bear either. I would look at the things that were happening around me and think, this is all so incredibly stupid, yet they all think it's so important. Things like; who's going out with who, who's having the best party, who got drunk that past weekend. There are kids that believe high school is life and therefore the will never have real one. The kids that think popularity and who they hang out with is greater than all else will peak in high school and crash in the later years, the important years. 40 year old men that still wear their letterman jackets were these types of kids (and we all want to be like them). I spent 4 years of my life surrounded by people I just didn't get and because of this they didn't get me. I think like an adult, I have since forever and I just don't know any other way to be. So I will be no other way. It would be interesting if later in life I discover that I am living in reverse and when I turn 30 all of the sudden become the equivilant to a drunken prom date. I doubt it but it would be interesting I can't deny that.

A Conversation

Odd Thomas- I wish I could believe in reincarnation.

Chief Porter- Not me. Once down the track is enough of a test. Pass me or fail me, Dear Lord, but don't make me go through high school again.

Odd Thomas- If there's something we want so bad in this life but we can't have it, maybe we could get it the next time around.

Chief Porter- Or maybe not getting it, accepting less without bitterness, and being grateful what we have is a part of what we're here to learn.

Odd Thomas- You once told me that we're here to eat all the good Mexican food we can, and when we've had our fill it's time to move on.

Chief Porter- I don't recollect being taught that in Sunday school, so it's possible I'd consumed two or three bottles of Negra Modelo before that theological insight occurred to me.

-From Forever Odd a book By Dean Koontz-

Maybe Someday

I can't really picture myself having children. I know I'm only 18 but I went to school with girls that said they would love to have kids someday and I simply don't feel that way. I don't think have have the patience for children. My dad told me he said that too and now he has three kids. I think that I'm different though. I'm not saying it's impossible because nothing is, I'm saying it's highly unlikely. Maybe someday it will happen. Like I said I'm extremely impatient so I'll probably adopt so I don't have to wait 9 months to see the kid (among other reasons).

Locked In

I went to the movies tonight with a few of my friends. We met up in the high school parking lot because it was easiest for us all. We carpooled leaving three cars behind and taking two because it was easier. Well, we forgot that at a certain time of night they lock the gates to the parking lot. When we got back the three cars we left behind were locked behind a gate there was no legal way out of. We walked around trying to find the security guard but didn't see him anywhere. Finally we gave up and the two that weren't locked in drove everyone home. I drove one of my friends home after we were both dropped off at my house (it made sense trust me). The parking lot has security cameras so whoever watches the tape is going to think it was hilarious. A bunch of teenagers walking around in the dark trying to find a probably non-existant security guard because they were dumb enough to leave their cars in a parking lot with a gate on it. We all felt pretty stupid but it was a good movie so I guess it's alright.

Miniver Cheevy

The poem Miniver Cheevy is one of my all time favorites. I first read it in 10th grade and I have I feeling it's going to remain one of my favorites for quite some time.
(I have said before that I often feel like Miniver, minus the drinking problem.)

A Necessity

"Only the most deluded of us could doubt the necessity of this war."
- John McCain-

A Quote From Dubya

"America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people."
-George W. Bush-

8 Days And Counting

My college orientation is now just 8 days away. I wish I had it over with already but as my parents say; wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first. All of my friends have gone to their orientations already and from what they said it's just hour upon boring hour of crap they've said a million times. I'm looking forward to going on a real tour of the campus and meeting with my academic advisors and scheduling my classes. Hopefully they'll all be in the afternoon I am not a morning person. My aunt's boyfriend's nephew is going to walk with me through the campus because he is already a student there. When she told me that he offered to help my dad got all up in arms about it. He kept asking if she was trying to set me up with this guy. My aunt swears up and down she isn't. Well I'll get to meet him in eight days and he's probably going to wonder what all the fuss is about. I hope I don't fall asleep while they're explaining things to us like my friend did at her orientation.

What I Believe

"A nation that forgets its past is doomed to repeat it."
-Sir Winston Churchill-

A Little Wisdom

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."
-Mae West-
"First law on holes-when you're in one, stop digging."
-Denis Healy-
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy-
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes."
-Sir Winston Churchill-

She's Back

My mom came home and I'm so happy she's back. I was afraid she was going to be gone longer but luckily she wasn't. I missed her and things just aren't the same when she's not around. When I told my dad how much I missed her he told me that I understood how they would feel when I left for college. They are seriously trying to make an emotional mess out of me. I'm just so glad she's home.

Paging Dr. Lecter

"A census taker once tried to test me, I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." (insert sound effect here)
-Dr. Hannibal Lecter aka Anthony Hopkins, The Silence of the Lambs-

I don't know why but all the talk about hospitals made me think of this. He is, after all, the coolest doctor ever. I rooted for him through every movie because he's awesome I don't care if he's supposed to be the bad guy (he's number 6 on the "100 Greatest Villians of all Time" list). My mother got me hooked on "Silence" when I was about 8. You might think that's strange but it's not the only movie I've seen a million times because of her. I can quote The Silence of the Lambs verbatim but I can also quote Jaws, Silver Bullet, and Manhunter. I am so desensitized when it comes to gore I can eat a pizza and watch an autopsy. I'm serious. Her parenting skills are different but I turned out okay.... or did I? Is this Clarice? Hello Clarice.

Hospitals Scare Me

People always ask others why they fear what they fear. Why are you afraid of heights? Why are you afraid of snakes. Why are you afraid of the IRS? I get these types of questions often. I'm afraid of hospitals and that's really the only thing I can think of that I fear. I have no other reason except for; they suck and every time I have been to one it's been for something bad (see below post) except for once. I know it's really not a normal fear (didn't know it was strange until I had about five people at school tell me) but it's my fear and everyone has one. I am a rational person but this is one thing even I can't talk myself out of.

Just Be Okay

My mom is in the hospital she has been since Saturday morning. I'm really worried about her. She gets sick a lot and it's never something minor. Her doctor asked her why in the heck she can't come in with a cold. She told him she doesn't do it on purpose and she doesn't. I just want her to come home. She's too young to have so many problems and she doesn't deserve any of it. It scares me. I don't know what I'd do, what any of us in my family would do without her. I spent 9 hours in the hospital and I ended up being awake for 31 hours straight. I came home from a movie at 1 in the morning and sat with her until 4 in the morning. She told me to go to bed because she might need me to go to the doctor with her because she had a really bad toothache caused by an exposed nerve in her mouth. It was so bad it made her cry and she never cries she has such a high tolerance for pain. She came and got me a short time later before I really had a chance to sleep and we went to the emergency room. She started to have chest pains while the doctor was looking at her (she has a heart condition). I stayed there with her until about 6 in the evening then I went home and fell asleep at 7. Mom had been up for 3 days. They ended up keeping her overnight plus another night they weren't supposed to. I hate that she still isn't home. I miss her. I really just want her to be okay. She told me I was the best daughter ever and that she loves me. She made me cry.

Truth

"War is not about dying for your country, it's about making the other bastard die for his."
-George S. Patton-

Impatience

When I was younger I couldn't wait to go to college. By the time I was in sixth grade I was bored with the school I had to do and was ready for school I wanted to do. I'm in the last stretch before I hit college and even today the waiting is killing me. I am not going to lie I am a very impatient person but cut me some slack I have been waiting for college since forever. People keep telling me that I am going to miss high school, that I'm going to wish that I was back there when I get into the real world. They don't understand that's where I am meant to be. I'm supposed to be in the real world it's where I belong. It's impossible to make a difference when one resides someplace other than the real world. High school wasn't all that thrilling for me and the only thing I am going to miss are my friends but I'm not too shook up because even though I won't get to see them as much I will still see them. I basically used high school for what it was intended for; to learn. Imagine that. I never went to a single party during my entire four years, never drank, never did drugs, never even got a speeding ticket. I saw the consequences suffered by my fellow students and I weighed the outcome of good and bad. Most of the time bad surpassed good. So I read books, watched the news, worked at my job at the video store, and tried to keep myself informed all the while thinking that I was tired of wondering about college, and what my classes were going to be like. I have a little over a month and it feels like it's limping along. I'm spending time with my friends before we all have to part ways in the fall and it's been a lot of fun. But I'm still waiting and it's driving me crazy.

Words To Live By

For the test of the heart is trouble and it always comes with years
and the smile that is worth the praises of earth
is the smile that shines through the tears
(More wisdom from the Irish.)

A Blessing

May you have food and shelter, a soft pillow for your head
May you be 40 years in heaven before the Devil knows you're dead
(It's nice to know the Irish have a sense of humor.)

Thinking Too Much

I am guilty of thinking too much. If there even is such a thing. I honestly can't help it my mind just keeps going whether I want it to or not. I have an overwhelming need to know everything and that can suck when a person is really trying to sleep. I'll be trying to fall asleep and then all of the sudden remember something stupid like, "What was Monk's brother's name?" and proceed to rack my brain for hours. That's something trivial but there are other things, important things I think about. One of my favorite teachers wrote in my senior memories book that I was like Cassandra, meaning I can see the future but people tend to not listed to me. It can be a blessing and a curse but at least I'll know what's coming because, I think too much. I worry about the future, because like I have said in previous posts, it's not solid. That makes me nervous. It's like walking a tightrope, it's shakey and balance can change. I worry about the world, my friends, my family, my future. My friend calls me a worry wort but I can't help it, why? Because I think too much.

The Way It Should Be

In Norse mythology being a coward is worse than all else. The Gods fight even though they know that they will eventually not be victorious. They believe that as long as they fight they will win no matter the outcome of the battle. They cannot lose unless they are cowards. A few months ago in my Classical Lit class, my teacher Mrs. C, asked us the two best questions I have ever heard anyone ask. "Even if you are certain you will be defeated, would you still fight? If someone you cared about was in trouble and you are positive they will die no matter what you do, would you still defend them?" My answer was yes, because a person can never be 100% sure they will lose. There is always a chance the stars will align and fate will smile and make someone the luckiest person in the world. There are people like this all the time they're called "Underdogs" and they don't always lose. I would fight because I am a fighter by nature. I do not handle defeat well. I would die to try save my family because that is the way it should be. I don't care if all odds are against me I'm going to try anyway because no one tells me I can't do something. I love my family too much to just leave them behind, they would never leave me behind. I would always fight for what I believe in and love because the truth is if it's not worth fighting for, than a person doesn't truly believe in it or love it. The fight itself proves who a person is. I guess this makes me Norse by way of belief.