The Maverick In Me

I am a CR and CR stands for College Republican, but I'm having a bit of an issue with the signs my fellow members have put up on campus. They pretty much say: Join if you are tired of positive views on gay marriage and abortion. I want to punch the people that did it. I understand that those are two big issues in politics and I also understand were the Republicans stand on them but I don't agree. Like I've mentioned I'm a Maverick Republican and I have no issues with gay marriage. In my opinion they are not hurting anyone and if they want to get married they should be allowed to. It's not up to us to judge them if it's wrong they'll find out when they meet their maker. I also think it's insulting to the gay people on campus. It has to hurt them to see that in the place they attend school and I think people should have a little more respect for others feelings. I have mixed feelings about abortion: do I think it should be used as a form of birthcontrol? No. Do I think it's ok in the case of rape or if the mother's life is in danger? Yes. I have often been questioned about my political stance. People think that you have to be all or nothing when that is not true at all. I do agree more with the Republican side but there are things like the ones I have just mentioned that I don't agree with. All in all I support President Bush, you can disagree about somethings and still support someone, and I want John McCain to be President in 2008. I'm a Republican, a very strange one, but still a Republican. They need to change those stupid signs. If I've made someone angry good, it means you care about something.

19 Things

I'm 19 now but I don't feel any older. This is an update from a previous post and an idea I got from Maria.

1. I am a Republican (okay I've mentioned that, but I don't think I've mentioned I'm a maverick Republican)
2. I don't hate math, it hates me. Well, actually I hate it too.
3. I read about 5 books a week.
4. My favorite type of book is historical fiction.
5. I thought about being a History teacher for about 3 seconds then realized I didn't have the patience for it.
6. When I walk into a library I immediately feel like I belong.
7. I'm extremely proud of my heritage.
8. I am a walking encyclopedia for movies. When my friends have a question about one they ask me.
9. I am very well educated on Greek, Roman, and Norse Mythology.
10. When I was in 5th grade one of my poems was published in a book. It was the worst poem I have ever written.
11. My favorite artists are Vincent Van Gogh and Johannes Vermeer .
12. Before I wanted to be involved in the justice system I wanted to be an Archaeologist.
13. I hate boats.
14. I can cuss in Italian thanks to my Uncle Louie.
15. My favorite actor is Kevin Spacey. The man is talented.
16. My favorite T.V shows are House, CSI, Law & Order SVU, Law & Order CI, Monk, Nancy Grace, Anderson Cooper 360, Cold Case Files, American Justice, Late Night With Conan O'Brien, and Lost.
17. I have two tattoos, one on the back of my left ankle and one around my right ankle.
18. My middle name is Charity, my mother's middle name is Faith, and my grandmother's middle name is Hope.
19. I collect black and white pictures and rosaries.

Got a MP3 player for my birthday and it's awesome!!! Now I can listen to Sinatra on my way to class.

19...Well, Almost

I am almost 19 years old which means I'm at the last of the teens. It's a milestone but no one treats it that way. I think it may be a bigger deal than 18 but I may be alone on this. I'm excited because I'm getting an I-Pod which, by the way, I have no idea how to work. On my card that my family gave me (a couple days early because I only see them on the weekends) my brother wrote "2 more years" (until I can drink). It's nice to know where his head is at. Just kidding. My mom is having something sent to my dorm room on Wednesday and despite her telling me not to get to excited I am. I can't help it. I like having things sent to me, I also like getting letters and postcards in the mail. I just like to know that people remember me. So let's hope that my 19th birthday is a good one.

Boston

I find myself wondering often what would be happening in my life right now if I had went to college in Boston. Don't get me wrong, I love the college I'm at but let's get one thing straight: it ain't Boston. The city has a certain allure to me, it's a mixture of the history and the culture of it's people that I think make it a well suited match for me. I know eventually I will be able to call that city home, I might have to wait longer than I would like to but it's going to happen. My parents don't really like my wanting to live there but they'll support it. I didn't go to college in Boston because they were worried about me being so far away. They would have let me go but I just couldn't do that to them. Plus the school's tuition costs more than my dad makes in a year. My parents told me they would have found a way to make it happen but I'm not that selfish. I realize they have 2 other children besides me. So instead I'm where I'm at. It's a very good school and I'm happy here, I just can't help but wonder.

Community Service

I know it sounds like I was arrested and this was my punishment but I wasn't. It's actually a requirement for a class I was told I had to take. I had to wake up at 8 a.m which is an ungodly hour on a Saturday or any other day for that matter. After stumbling around for a half hour and somehow magically getting dressed I went to the third floor and got my friend Jessie. We then made our way slowly to where we were supposed to meet everyone else. Might I add it was freezing this morning. They gave us breakfast which consisted of donuts, juice and bagels. Which is fine I love donuts and bagels as much as the next girl I just couldn't get passed the fact I was up before noon on a Saturday. The good thing was that Jessie and I were sent to the same place, it would have been kind of akward to ride in a car full of strangers and then spend all afternoon with them having never seen them before. The place we went was basically a shelter for young single moms that couldn't afford to live anywhere else. It was a very nice place. Our job was to basically wipe the walls down with ammonia and water. It wasn't hard and it didn't take us that long. The only problem was that the girls that lived there knew we were coming and they didn't clean their apartments at all. They were suppossed to because 2 of them were in the process of moving out but they didn't. Let's just say I saw some unsanitary things. No big deal. Anyway, we got done earlier than what we were supposed to and headed back to campus. I honestly wouldn't mind doing it again.

Under the Weather

I'm sick right now and that sucks I would really like to stop coughing. If you ever want to scare someone cough next to them and say you have the bird flu. They don't seem to like that. My mom was keeping me away from my brother so I wouldn't get sick, yeah that difinately didn't work. I am seriously about to OD on cough drops.

September 11th

Just take some time and remember the people that died that day deserve that much.

Quarentined

I'm not going home this weekend bacause my brother is sick so I'll be staying on campus. My mom says she doesn't want me to get sick because I can't afford to miss college. I'm basically quarentined. I'm going to miss not seeing them but I'll be alright. I'm interested to see what happens around this place on the weekends.

A Sad Day

I think I'm going to be depressed for a while. I can't believe he's dead.

Busy Little Bee

College has kept me busy, busier than I have ever been but that's kind of expected isn't it? I'm having fun and meeting new people and I'm doing better now that I have my own space. It's great not having to lock my stuff up in a footlocker due to paranoia. I only have to lock my bedroom door now. Posts my be a little far between but I'm still going to update as much as possible. There haven't been any fire alarms lately. I hope I didn't just jinx it.

Jazzed

I got my own room today. I'm moving out of the double an into a quad. That means I'll still have to share a bathroom with 1 other girl and a common room with 3 but I'll have my own room. I met one of the girls today and she was very nice. I can't even express how happy I am. My mom is coming down to help me move and my friends are going to help too. I can't wait until I move in. This year is going to go a lot easier for me now that I have my own space.

Is It Another Dead End?

They're still not sure who killed her. I'm wondering if they ever will be.

Emmy Winners

Well, the Emmy's ended up being pretty good. Mostly because of Conan and because Tony Shalhoub won in his category. Award shows can always be better for example: they could nominate a specific person that deserves to be nominated (see previous post).

Emmy Nominees

These are the Emmy nominees. I want to know why Vincent D'Onofrio has been overlooked again. At least Tony Shalhoub and Hugh Laurie have been nominated. But seriously they need to nominate Vincent already! The actors on SVU get nominated and I think they're good but they're not as good as Vincent. Anyway, the Emmy's are on tonight and they are being hosted by Conan O'Brien, so they won't be too bad even if I disagree with a particular nomination(or lack thereof).

Suggested Reading

In my personal opinion this is the greatest play ever written. I am actually going to see it performed sometime later this fall and I am very excited.

I'm Home

Since my college is only 57 miles away from my house I'm able to come home Friday afternoons and stay until Sunday nights. This makes my mother very happy. I wonder what would have happened if I had went to college in Boston. It is good to come home and be able to sleep in my own bed in my own room that I don't have to share with anyone else, and I love seeing my family. My dad says he gives me 2 months before I get sick of it and I decide to just stay on campus. I guess we'll see what happens.

This Week

Well, I got woken up at 8:30 Wednesday morning by yet another fire alarm. At least this time I wasn't in the shower. Everything is going well (except for that stupid fire alarm thing) and I'm liking college. My english class isn't exactly challenging and I'm a little disappointed because I'm bored. My history professor is great and if she wasn't it would kind of suck because I am a history major. My psychology professor is semi-retired from the Department of Defense. I'm not sure what that means but I think it's great anyway. My math class is, well, math. I hate math but the professor is really understanding and helpful and he doesn't make me feel stupid when I ask questions. Not much has happened in my other classes but they aren't bad either. I'm still trying to figure out the school's website, luckily I'm surrounded by technological geniuses. My last class ends at 2:50 tomorrow and then I'm headed home for the weekend where my mom promises to irritate me beyond belief. I have a psych module to read so I better get started or else I'll wait until the last minute.

False Alarm

I was in the shower and the smoke alarm for my residence hall went off. I ended up going outside with soap still on me. I fell in the bathroom trying to get my pajamas on. They weren't being cooperative because I was soaking wet. I had to get back the in the shower after we were all let back in to rinse off and condition my hair. Needless to say I wasn't happy especially after I found out someone burned popcorn and that's why the alarm went off. Hooray for college.

Interesting

Well, at least I think it is.

New Goal

I have a new goal and that goal is to learn Arabic. I found out two days ago that it would help my want to be future career of being an FBI agent if I decide not to be a prosecutor. I have no idea how I'm going to learn it but I have 4 years and I'm hoping for the best.

Here At Last

Well, I moved in to my dorm Friday and everything is going good. I will admit I am homesick. My roommates are nice and I met up with some friends I met at orientation. I'm actually on one of my friend's computers right now because my internet is acting stupid. I might not be able to post as much as before but I'm not going anywhere. I'm glad I'm finally in college (I don't have to wait anymore the impatience is gone!). My classes start Monday and I have two with my friend which is great. I'm happy to be here and I hope for smooth sailing.

A Confession

Have they finally found the person who killed her?

Hate

Shadows dance on the walls of those that remain unseen
Things exist in this world that make a nightmare from a dream
It seems nothing is changing, but the nothing is changing you
You gave up long ago trying to discover what to do
It's a disease, a plague self-inflicted on mankind
They see no other people they become selfishly blind
The innocents, they watch, unable to stop any of it
How easily time fools us and makes us forget

Copyright ©2008 by Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

Reality Slap

"Loss is a theme that I think a lot about, and it’s something in my work that I dwell on. I think when you experience any kind of loss, especially the kind I did, you have questions about survival: Why do some people thrive in situations that others can’t tolerate? Would I be able to survive and get on in the world on my own?"
-Anderson Cooper-

I react differently to things than others. I guess it could be said that I am a little desensitized. I'm no unemotional robot, I just don't cry very easily. (The movie World Trade Center did make me cry like a baby, but people who aren't effected by that film are complete sociopaths). I have a reason for the way I am. I lost someone very special to me when I was younger and that loss, instead of making me weaker, made me stronger in a way I wouldn't have been without it. I would gladly trade this "strength" I have to get back the person that I lost, but I can't do that and I've come to terms with it. Loss isn't something a person gets over no matter what anyone says. I know and I wouldn't lie to you. Instead the loss becomes apart of the person and it's up to them whether it turns into a good part or a bad part. Some people can't function, they can't survive. It's like when there loved one died they died too but in a worse way: not in body but in soul. I refused to let this happen to me. I told myself I would turn something negative and hurtful into something postive and driving (it's why I'm getting involved in the justice system). I'm not going to sugarcoat anything: the loss never goes away, no matter how deep it's been buried it's still there, just because it can't be seen doesn't mean it's not real anymore, trying to hide just makes it more real than before. I understand this reality, but I wish it hadn't slapped me so hard.

Never Surrender

"Do not yield. Do not flinch. Stand up. Stand up with our President and fight. We're Americans. We're Americans, and we'll never surrender. They will."
-John McCain-

Advice

"If you're going through hell, keep going."
-Sir Winston Churchill-

World Trade Center

I saw World Trade Center tonight. I mentioned in a previous post that I think that everyone should have to go see it and I still believe that. The film was done very well and tells the stories from the personal accounts of the survivors. It's not an easy movie to watch but that is no reason not to go see it. I am not ashamed to say that I cried, I never cry, and I have never had a movie make me cry before. We need to remember what happened, and I think that this movie does a fine job reminding those who have been dumb enough to forget, and making those who haven't forgotten glad for that reminder. I was glad. Oliver Stone did a great job (I even forgive him for Alexander). I really only have three words to sum all this up. GO SEE IT.

Dubya07

I like Daniel Craig, but I believe Dubya would be a much better Bond.

Aftermath

The evidence is clear
Everytime you are near
Something gets shattered
New becomes worn and tattered
Excuses can't be made
You have nothing to trade
No collateral, no reliability
Only random hostility
Why should you
Be catered to
No more waiting
For your instigating
It's time for this to end
Something fragile doesn't bend
Just because you
Want it to
Life is more
Than you use it for
You throw it away
Each and every day
It's not what you thought
Look what you've brought
Upon us all
You can't escape the fall

Copyright © 2008 by Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

Thwarted

Yet another terrorist plot. I hate stupid people, especially the suicidal morons that try to harm my country. I can think of a couple (actually more than a couple) very bad things I would like to happen to them.

Baseball

I love baseball. It has always been my favorite sport and is the reason I played softball for 12 years. My favorite player was and still is Chris Sabo, the third baseman for my favorite team when they won the 1990 World Series.

Out Of My Element

I'm not musically inclined and it depresses me. Today a couple of my friends and I went out to eat and to the mall. We ended up going into a music store. Talk about someone not feeling like they belong. Two of my friends can play instruments: one the guitar the other the keyboard and countless other things. I have had a guitar sitting in my room for about five years. The strings are rusted and there is a layer of dust on it an inch thick. It's sad I know but I have never learned to play it. I tried to teach myself I bought books and everything it just didn't work because I had no idea where to begin. At the time there was only one person that I knew of that lived close by that could teach me how to play. Unfortuately he was 4 years older and my mother didn't like the way he looked at me. I admit he was pretty creepy and he had a habit of staring at me. I wish he had been normal. I want to learn how to play my guitar but I know I can't teach myself because I have no natural talent like some, I have to have someone show me. That opportunity has never presented itself. Until now. My friend says she's going to teach me before we go off to college in separate states. Maybe then I won't feel like I'm out of my element when I walk into a music store.

Sydney

I discovered this blog at 3:30 this morning and I love the pictures. I'm glad I have this city on my list of the top 10 places I want to visit outside of the United States.

Previous Lives

I wonder about previous lives often. Is it possible for someone to have lived once before and come back later as a different person? I blame this theory for the type of person I am, whether it's possible or not. I want to know what kind of person I was/might have been/probably wasn't (doubt I'll ever really know but it's fun to speculate). I hope I was a brave person and that I wasn't infamous for anything. I would like to have been someone who made an important difference, even if making that difference resulted in my death like Joan of Ark (I know I'm no Saint I said like) because hey, I'm perfectly fine now. So what if it might not be true, there's a chance that it is.

Unfinished

I wish Coleridge had stayed alive long enough to finish this poem. I hate it when things leave me with questions that can't be answered.

Thoughtless

"To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day."
-Sir Winston Churchill-

N Is For Nefarious

"What word best describes you?" I hate that question, if that's not straight from Miss America I don't know what is. I have been asked that in I don't know how many English classes. I had to do this "project" (that's the best thing I can think to call it) in 10th grade where I had to find an interesting word that describes me to go with each letter of my name. When the teacher first told us about it she asked that question. "What word best describes you?" Of course she asked me. I wanted to say, "Uncertain, right now, but I'll get back to you on that once I've had time to think about it." Instead I said, "Uh, nice." Because my name starts with and "N" and that was the first thing that popped into my head. It wasn't very good but it was better than "uncertain" considering I don't have a "U" in my name. She told me I could do better than that so I had to come up with a different one so I said, "Nefarious." She looked at me for a second and said, "I'm sure that's not true." I was very well aware that nefarious means "extremely wicked". It's not true, I'm not extremely wicked but it was a more complex word than "nice" and she didn't ask me to come up with another one. To this day I think she didn't believe I knew what it meant because none of the other people in the class did and either she didn't want to point that out or she just didn't care because she didn't try to explain it. It was probably one of those things she wanted me to look up myself.

Not Dead Yet

I guess he isn't ready to go on the cart.

I Knew It

I took another quiz and it stated the obvious.

You Are an Old Soul:
You are an experienced soul who appreciates tradition. Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone. Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient. A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people. You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friends. A bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others. Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone. But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away.
Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul and Visionary Soul

Impossible

If I could go back in time and change one thing...well, I don't know what I'd change, I'll have to think about it. Maybe change isn't good because in movies and in books when the past is altered the world is worse than what it was. Many believe all things happen for a reason and most of the time I am one of those people. Most of the time. Watching the news can make a person wonder why all of the bad things that happen could possibly be necessary. Being someone that believes in God, there are many times I want to ask him, why? I guess I'll have to wait until I meet him to get an answer. A real answer. I thought maybe, I would go back and change when Eve ate the apple, that way the knowledge of good and evil would not have been spread to all mankind. Then I thought maybe her doing that was more good than bad. At least now we have the capability to decide things for ourselves and that's not a bad thing. It's what we do with those decisions that kills us. A mind of our own, it's what made us all different from one another. I guess I could never just choose one thing to change, I would have to change a lot of things like: 9/11, The Holocaust, Genocide, every major natural disaster, the deaths of loved ones, Glitter (some comic relief), and the extinction of certain animals and plants. It's not possible but it's a thought.

Long Time Coming

She works patiently all day
Waiting for a kind word to come her way
She's made everything just right
This time she's certain there will be no fight
But that's not true at all
A single picture hangs crooked on the wall
The last statue that was her mother's
He had destroyed all of the others
He picks it up and slams it down
Now it's nothing but shiny pieces on the ground
She know's she's not supposed to cry
Even though inside she's about to die
How much more can she take
Glass isn't all he's managed to break
She's made up her mind
Tomorrow he gets left far behind
He wakes up at first light
And realizes something isn't quite right
Bright red paint catches his eye
One word says it all. GOODBYE

(Don't worry I've not had this happen to me. I really don't know where my poetry ideas come from. They just kind of hit me unexpectedly, but those are the best kind.)

Copyright © 2008 by Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

Preparations

I doubt I'm the only one that has negative feelings towards this man. He might die sooner, he might die later but they are going to be prepared just in case.

I Hope

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
-Sir Winston Churchill-

Sad But True

"All of us, in some way, experience sorrow and suffering in our lives. No amount of economic, scientific, or social progress can eradicate our vulnerability to sin and to death."
-Pope John Paul II-

Bad Idea

I was watching MSNBC today and a program came on about life behind bars. Did you know that in some prisons inmates work on cars that belong to the staff of that prison? I don't think that is such a good idea. The guy working on the car doesn't really have anything to lose( the majority they talked to were in prison for murder) so if a guard makes him angry what's stopping him from cutting a brake line, or two?

116 Years Ago Today

In 1890, Artist Vincent Van Gogh died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Auvers, France, at age 37.

A Cone Zone Quote

"First Lady Laura Bush said President Bush wakes her up every morning by bringing her coffee in bed. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton says Bill Clinton wakes her up every morning by sneaking back into bed. "
-Conan O'Brien-

Last Words

"Let's Roll."
-Todd Beamer-
(The last thing his wife heard him say before his plane went down in Pennsylvania on 9/11)

Remember

There is a movie coming out soon called World Trade Center. I think everyone should have to go see it. Most of the people I have talked to agree with me. No matter what happens we cannot forget what happened on 9/11. The people that lost their lives deserve to be remembered and it's up to us to do the remembering.

Good Representation

I took another quiz. This one told me which Egyptian Goddess I represent.

Your Results:
Ma'at, Goddess of Order, Harmony, and Truth Ma'at was the goddess of physical and moral law in Egypt, of order and truth. She was not much of a goddess, but more of a concept. She was what was right; she was the way things should be. You lead a very well-ordered life. You are just and keep things in balance. You know just how to react to things, and people like you for that.

My Personality

I took a personality quiz and this is the result:

Your Personality Is:
Guardian (SJ)You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.With others, you tend to be polite and formal.As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

It's strange how right this is. It's not perfect but it's pretty good considering the quiz was only three questions long.

Smithsonian Favorites

These are articles from my favorite section of Smithsonian Magazine. I hope I'm not the only one that reads it.

18 Things

I got this idea from Rue Princesse.

18 things about myself I don't think I've mentioned:

1. I am a Republican (okay I've mentioned that, but I don't think I've mentioned I'm a maverick Republican)
2. I don't hate math, it hates me. Well, actually I hate it too.
3. I read about 5 books a week.
4. My favorite type of book is historical fiction.
5. I thought about being a History teacher for about 3 seconds then realized I didn't have the patience for it.
6. When I walk into a library I immediately feel like I belong.
7. I'm extremely proud of my heritage.
8. I am a walking encyclopedia for movies. When my friends have a question about one they ask me.
9. I am very well educated on Greek, Roman, and Norse Mythology.
10. When I was in 5th grade one of my poems was published in a book. It was the worst poem I have ever written.
11. My favorite artists are Vincent Van Gogh and Johannes Vermeer .
12. Before I wanted to be involved in the justice system I wanted to be an Archaeologist.
13. I hate boats.
14. I can cuss in Italian thanks to my Uncle Louie.
15. My favorite actor is Kevin Spacey. The man is talented.
16. My favorite T.V shows are House, CSI, Law & Order SVU, Law & Order CI, Monk, Nancy Grace, Anderson Cooper 360, Cold Case Files, American Justice, Late Night With Conan O'Brien, and Lost.
17. I have two tattoos, one on the back of my left ankle and one around my right ankle.
18. My middle name is Charity, my mother's middle name is Faith, and my grandmother's middle name is Hope.

Witch Trials

There were only three choices:

Deny it all and condemn yourself to hang, because you would be unable to prove the accusations untrue.

Speak, and admit to being a witch, and return to prison.

Or speak and say that you were following another's instructions, and in accusing someone else, free yourself.

-From The Sacrifice a book By Kathleen Benner Duble-

It's amazing what people will do to one another for the sake of greed, jealousy, and altogether stupidity.

I'd Be A Cobra

One day in my Creative Writing class a group of us were discussing what animals we'd be. Basically someone else in the group would look at you and say, "You look like an anteater," or, "You act like a goat." When I asked what I would be one of the guys looked at me and said, "You'd be a cobra." Uh, thanks I think. It could be considered a complement. I hope that wasn't based on looks but, in most cases, it wouldn't really be great based on attitude either. I told him he looked like a Raptor from Jurassic Park. He didn't seem insulted. You ever wonder what animal, bug, fictional creature, you would be?

President McCain Sounds Good

"Glory is not a conceit. It is not a decoration for valor. Glory belongs to the act of being constant to something greater than yourself, to a cause, to your principles, to the people on whom you rely and who rely on you in return."
-John McCain-

I hope that Senator John McCain will run for President in 2008. I really hate Hillary Clinton with a passion. Someone told me McCain and Clinton might be running mates. That would be a travesty, a major travesty. A maverick Republican and a Democrat should not run together. What is the world coming to? I would much rather see a showdown between the two of them. I doubt he will run with Clinton because he is loyal to President Bush. When John Kerry asked McCain to be his running mate he refused. I hope he does the same with Hillary.

I Don't Like Freud

Considering all the messes I get into, I don't know why I had always expected to die clean. Now that I thought about it, this seemed self-delusional.

Freud would have had a grand time analyzing my have-to-die clean complex. But then Freud was an ass.

-From Forever Odd a book By Dean Koontz-

In 11th grade Psychology when my teacher first started to talk about Sigmund Freud I disliked him strongly. Not just because his theories were junk but because he was high we he came up with them. Freud was a druggie. A coke head if I remember correctly. I know Sherlock Holmes is said to have been a user of sorts but the difference between Freud and Sherlock is that Sherlock didn't really exist and Freud's theories are being taught in schools. I am also aware that some poets were drug users and their works are taught in schools as well. For example Samuel Taylor Coleridge's Kubla Khan was taught in my English class my senior year and that man was obviously on something. The reader can tell when he came down because the poem's style changes suddenly. See if you can tell where. I am not trying to advocate drug use by any means but I think the poem was better when the guy was stoned. The difference is simple: Coleridge is poetry Freud is Psychology. Freud not thinking straight effects how we understand the human mind. Or, I guess, how we don't understand it (penis envy). Sorry I had to throw that in there.

This Town

I live in a small town, it's not Mayberry small, but it's small nonetheless. I have dreams to move on to a bigger city (Boston) and in a sense a bigger world. I have always thought it was strange that in a small town where there are less people spaced farther apart, everyone knows eachother's business, but in a city were there are more people packed extremely close together, they don't know a thing about the person sitting next to them on the bus, even though they see them every day. Usually more people means less privacy but in this case not so much. People tell me that more than likely I'll come back home to raise a family but I doubt it. These are the same people that told me I would miss the protective high school bubble when I was thrust into the "real" world. I doubt that too. I'm a different person than most of the teenagers seen today, hence the name of the blog. I don't think I'll ever live in this town after I graduate from college but I always will consider it home. Unless my parents move.

I Survived

I got back from my orientation yesterday and I must admit it wasn't that bad. There was a lot of talking and walking around and some stupid name games but it wasn't life ending. I was mostly worried about the whole bathroom thing until I got there and realized I was getting my own bedroom and only had to share a bathroom with one other girl. Talk about a relief (I appreciate the advice I was given regarding said problem though). The room was similar to the room I will be living in for my freshman year except it had 4 bedrooms off the common room instead of 2. The girls I roomed with were great and we exchanged cell numbers and have plans to get together and watch Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's a weird movie but it's still good. I'm glad I went, I love the campus, and I'm sure I'll be happy there.

I'll Be Needing A Passport

These are my top 10 places I would like to visit outside of the United States:

1. Dublin, Ireland
2. Venice, Italy
3. Cairo, Egypt
4. London, England
5. Sydney, Australia
6. Frankfurt, Germany
7. Athens, Greece
8. Barcelona, Spain
9. Glasgow, Scotland
10. Reykjavik, Iceland

Eventually I'll get around to going to them.

32 Hours

I have 32 hours before my orientation. I really don't want to spend the night on campus but I don't have a choice. I know I should get used to spending the night at my college because I will be living there, but I won't have to share a bathroom with an entire floor when I move into my room in August I'll just have to share with one roommate, however I will have to share a bathroom with an entire floor when I go for orientation. I have an issue with the whole community bathroom thing. I am looking forward to choosing my classes and getting familiar with the campus. I just really hate community bathrooms it's the OCD.

I Wish I Could Meet...

I got this idea from What Would Phoebe Do?

So if I could meet anyone alive, dead, or fictional I would want to meet:

Alive:
George W. Bush
John McCain
Rudy Guiliani
Joaquin Phoenix
Kevin Spacey
Vincent D'Onofrio
Kate Winslet
Rufus Sewell
Gabriel Byrne
Christian Bale
Nancy Grace
Anderson Cooper
Dan Brown
Quentin Tarantino
M. Night Shyamalan
Tim Burton
Danny Elfman
Conan O'Brien
Dead:
Pope John Paul II
Sir Winston Churchill
John F. Kennedy
Humphrey Bogart
Audrey Hepburn
Marilyn Monroe
Johnny Cash
Frank Sinatra
Joan of Ark
Julius Caesar
Alfred Hitchcock
Truman Capote
William Shakespeare
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Agatha Christie
Fictional:
Adrian Monk
Robert Goren
Elliot Stabler
Olivia Benson
Dr. Gregory House
Gill Grissom
Jay and Silent Bob
Nathan Detroit
Dorian Gray
Jack Sparrow
Keyser Soze
Maximus
Willy Wonka
Robert Langdon
Sherlock Holmes
Holly Golighly
Hannibal Lector(if I knew ahead of time he wouldn't try to eat me)

It's a weird mixture but that's my list. I'll probably think of more people later.

Dubya In The News

This is one of the reasons why I love George W. Bush. Yes, I am a Republican (just in case there is some confusion).

Goodbye Vegas

Yesterday I gave my dog Vegas (short for Las Vegas Show Stopper) to some family friends. It was hard to do but was best for him. I will be going to college very soon and will only be coming home on the weekends so I wouldn't be able to take care of him. I didn't want my parents to shoulder the responsibilty because it was my own (that and my dad hates him so I was afraid I would come home to find the dog in the microwave. Just kidding). The people I gave him to are great and already have two dogs and a fenced in yard so he has friends. Well, one friend the girl dog hasn't quite warmed to him yet. I know he'll have a good life there and they were my first choice for the role of adoptive parents. He will be spoiled and I have visitation rights so that's good. It's strange not having a yodeling bichon around and I miss him, but I'll get used to it.

A Short Trip

I took a trip down memory lane today and it was a short one. I was remembering high school and because I just graduated in June it didn't take me long to conjure up that particular part of my past. I saw and heard a lot of things in those 4 years that were just stupid. It's amazing the things teenagers do to eachother and themselves. They're like land mines; one wrong move around them they explode. Bump into a Senior in the Hallway and see what happens and trust me it isn't pretty. Look at them the wrong way and pick a fight, take a chair in the lunchroom and start a war, stand up for yourself and become a bullseye. I never understood teenagers which is strange because I am one. Granted I'm not the average bear either. I would look at the things that were happening around me and think, this is all so incredibly stupid, yet they all think it's so important. Things like; who's going out with who, who's having the best party, who got drunk that past weekend. There are kids that believe high school is life and therefore the will never have real one. The kids that think popularity and who they hang out with is greater than all else will peak in high school and crash in the later years, the important years. 40 year old men that still wear their letterman jackets were these types of kids (and we all want to be like them). I spent 4 years of my life surrounded by people I just didn't get and because of this they didn't get me. I think like an adult, I have since forever and I just don't know any other way to be. So I will be no other way. It would be interesting if later in life I discover that I am living in reverse and when I turn 30 all of the sudden become the equivilant to a drunken prom date. I doubt it but it would be interesting I can't deny that.

A Conversation

Odd Thomas- I wish I could believe in reincarnation.

Chief Porter- Not me. Once down the track is enough of a test. Pass me or fail me, Dear Lord, but don't make me go through high school again.

Odd Thomas- If there's something we want so bad in this life but we can't have it, maybe we could get it the next time around.

Chief Porter- Or maybe not getting it, accepting less without bitterness, and being grateful what we have is a part of what we're here to learn.

Odd Thomas- You once told me that we're here to eat all the good Mexican food we can, and when we've had our fill it's time to move on.

Chief Porter- I don't recollect being taught that in Sunday school, so it's possible I'd consumed two or three bottles of Negra Modelo before that theological insight occurred to me.

-From Forever Odd a book By Dean Koontz-

Maybe Someday

I can't really picture myself having children. I know I'm only 18 but I went to school with girls that said they would love to have kids someday and I simply don't feel that way. I don't think have have the patience for children. My dad told me he said that too and now he has three kids. I think that I'm different though. I'm not saying it's impossible because nothing is, I'm saying it's highly unlikely. Maybe someday it will happen. Like I said I'm extremely impatient so I'll probably adopt so I don't have to wait 9 months to see the kid (among other reasons).

Locked In

I went to the movies tonight with a few of my friends. We met up in the high school parking lot because it was easiest for us all. We carpooled leaving three cars behind and taking two because it was easier. Well, we forgot that at a certain time of night they lock the gates to the parking lot. When we got back the three cars we left behind were locked behind a gate there was no legal way out of. We walked around trying to find the security guard but didn't see him anywhere. Finally we gave up and the two that weren't locked in drove everyone home. I drove one of my friends home after we were both dropped off at my house (it made sense trust me). The parking lot has security cameras so whoever watches the tape is going to think it was hilarious. A bunch of teenagers walking around in the dark trying to find a probably non-existant security guard because they were dumb enough to leave their cars in a parking lot with a gate on it. We all felt pretty stupid but it was a good movie so I guess it's alright.

Miniver Cheevy

The poem Miniver Cheevy is one of my all time favorites. I first read it in 10th grade and I have I feeling it's going to remain one of my favorites for quite some time.
(I have said before that I often feel like Miniver, minus the drinking problem.)

A Necessity

"Only the most deluded of us could doubt the necessity of this war."
- John McCain-

A Quote From Dubya

"America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our people."
-George W. Bush-

8 Days And Counting

My college orientation is now just 8 days away. I wish I had it over with already but as my parents say; wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first. All of my friends have gone to their orientations already and from what they said it's just hour upon boring hour of crap they've said a million times. I'm looking forward to going on a real tour of the campus and meeting with my academic advisors and scheduling my classes. Hopefully they'll all be in the afternoon I am not a morning person. My aunt's boyfriend's nephew is going to walk with me through the campus because he is already a student there. When she told me that he offered to help my dad got all up in arms about it. He kept asking if she was trying to set me up with this guy. My aunt swears up and down she isn't. Well I'll get to meet him in eight days and he's probably going to wonder what all the fuss is about. I hope I don't fall asleep while they're explaining things to us like my friend did at her orientation.

What I Believe

"A nation that forgets its past is doomed to repeat it."
-Sir Winston Churchill-

A Little Wisdom

"He who hesitates is a damned fool."
-Mae West-
"First law on holes-when you're in one, stop digging."
-Denis Healy-
"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
-John Fitzgerald Kennedy-
"The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes."
-Sir Winston Churchill-

She's Back

My mom came home and I'm so happy she's back. I was afraid she was going to be gone longer but luckily she wasn't. I missed her and things just aren't the same when she's not around. When I told my dad how much I missed her he told me that I understood how they would feel when I left for college. They are seriously trying to make an emotional mess out of me. I'm just so glad she's home.

Paging Dr. Lecter

"A census taker once tried to test me, I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." (insert sound effect here)
-Dr. Hannibal Lecter aka Anthony Hopkins, The Silence of the Lambs-

I don't know why but all the talk about hospitals made me think of this. He is, after all, the coolest doctor ever. I rooted for him through every movie because he's awesome I don't care if he's supposed to be the bad guy (he's number 6 on the "100 Greatest Villians of all Time" list). My mother got me hooked on "Silence" when I was about 8. You might think that's strange but it's not the only movie I've seen a million times because of her. I can quote The Silence of the Lambs verbatim but I can also quote Jaws, Silver Bullet, and Manhunter. I am so desensitized when it comes to gore I can eat a pizza and watch an autopsy. I'm serious. Her parenting skills are different but I turned out okay.... or did I? Is this Clarice? Hello Clarice.

Hospitals Scare Me

People always ask others why they fear what they fear. Why are you afraid of heights? Why are you afraid of snakes. Why are you afraid of the IRS? I get these types of questions often. I'm afraid of hospitals and that's really the only thing I can think of that I fear. I have no other reason except for; they suck and every time I have been to one it's been for something bad (see below post) except for once. I know it's really not a normal fear (didn't know it was strange until I had about five people at school tell me) but it's my fear and everyone has one. I am a rational person but this is one thing even I can't talk myself out of.

Just Be Okay

My mom is in the hospital she has been since Saturday morning. I'm really worried about her. She gets sick a lot and it's never something minor. Her doctor asked her why in the heck she can't come in with a cold. She told him she doesn't do it on purpose and she doesn't. I just want her to come home. She's too young to have so many problems and she doesn't deserve any of it. It scares me. I don't know what I'd do, what any of us in my family would do without her. I spent 9 hours in the hospital and I ended up being awake for 31 hours straight. I came home from a movie at 1 in the morning and sat with her until 4 in the morning. She told me to go to bed because she might need me to go to the doctor with her because she had a really bad toothache caused by an exposed nerve in her mouth. It was so bad it made her cry and she never cries she has such a high tolerance for pain. She came and got me a short time later before I really had a chance to sleep and we went to the emergency room. She started to have chest pains while the doctor was looking at her (she has a heart condition). I stayed there with her until about 6 in the evening then I went home and fell asleep at 7. Mom had been up for 3 days. They ended up keeping her overnight plus another night they weren't supposed to. I hate that she still isn't home. I miss her. I really just want her to be okay. She told me I was the best daughter ever and that she loves me. She made me cry.

Truth

"War is not about dying for your country, it's about making the other bastard die for his."
-George S. Patton-

Impatience

When I was younger I couldn't wait to go to college. By the time I was in sixth grade I was bored with the school I had to do and was ready for school I wanted to do. I'm in the last stretch before I hit college and even today the waiting is killing me. I am not going to lie I am a very impatient person but cut me some slack I have been waiting for college since forever. People keep telling me that I am going to miss high school, that I'm going to wish that I was back there when I get into the real world. They don't understand that's where I am meant to be. I'm supposed to be in the real world it's where I belong. It's impossible to make a difference when one resides someplace other than the real world. High school wasn't all that thrilling for me and the only thing I am going to miss are my friends but I'm not too shook up because even though I won't get to see them as much I will still see them. I basically used high school for what it was intended for; to learn. Imagine that. I never went to a single party during my entire four years, never drank, never did drugs, never even got a speeding ticket. I saw the consequences suffered by my fellow students and I weighed the outcome of good and bad. Most of the time bad surpassed good. So I read books, watched the news, worked at my job at the video store, and tried to keep myself informed all the while thinking that I was tired of wondering about college, and what my classes were going to be like. I have a little over a month and it feels like it's limping along. I'm spending time with my friends before we all have to part ways in the fall and it's been a lot of fun. But I'm still waiting and it's driving me crazy.

Words To Live By

For the test of the heart is trouble and it always comes with years
and the smile that is worth the praises of earth
is the smile that shines through the tears
(More wisdom from the Irish.)

A Blessing

May you have food and shelter, a soft pillow for your head
May you be 40 years in heaven before the Devil knows you're dead
(It's nice to know the Irish have a sense of humor.)

Thinking Too Much

I am guilty of thinking too much. If there even is such a thing. I honestly can't help it my mind just keeps going whether I want it to or not. I have an overwhelming need to know everything and that can suck when a person is really trying to sleep. I'll be trying to fall asleep and then all of the sudden remember something stupid like, "What was Monk's brother's name?" and proceed to rack my brain for hours. That's something trivial but there are other things, important things I think about. One of my favorite teachers wrote in my senior memories book that I was like Cassandra, meaning I can see the future but people tend to not listed to me. It can be a blessing and a curse but at least I'll know what's coming because, I think too much. I worry about the future, because like I have said in previous posts, it's not solid. That makes me nervous. It's like walking a tightrope, it's shakey and balance can change. I worry about the world, my friends, my family, my future. My friend calls me a worry wort but I can't help it, why? Because I think too much.

The Way It Should Be

In Norse mythology being a coward is worse than all else. The Gods fight even though they know that they will eventually not be victorious. They believe that as long as they fight they will win no matter the outcome of the battle. They cannot lose unless they are cowards. A few months ago in my Classical Lit class, my teacher Mrs. C, asked us the two best questions I have ever heard anyone ask. "Even if you are certain you will be defeated, would you still fight? If someone you cared about was in trouble and you are positive they will die no matter what you do, would you still defend them?" My answer was yes, because a person can never be 100% sure they will lose. There is always a chance the stars will align and fate will smile and make someone the luckiest person in the world. There are people like this all the time they're called "Underdogs" and they don't always lose. I would fight because I am a fighter by nature. I do not handle defeat well. I would die to try save my family because that is the way it should be. I don't care if all odds are against me I'm going to try anyway because no one tells me I can't do something. I love my family too much to just leave them behind, they would never leave me behind. I would always fight for what I believe in and love because the truth is if it's not worth fighting for, than a person doesn't truly believe in it or love it. The fight itself proves who a person is. I guess this makes me Norse by way of belief.

Stupid People

Okay here's my rant: When someone doesn't know the pledge of allegiance or who the first President was they are officially stupid and I hate that. Late night shows poke fun and people laugh at those who think the Vice President is Bob Dole and that Prince Charles is the British Prime Minister. I think it is sad. Come on how hard is it to watch CNN every now and then? I don't know if my expectations for the American public are too high or if too many people are more worried about value meals than current events. My advice for these people is to just watch the news for crying out loud and learn something, so if by any chance the opportunity to answer a question on TV arises it can be answered with little to no national embarassment. For the record the first President was George Washington, the Vice President is Dick Cheney, and Tony Blair is the British Prime Minister. The Pledge of Allegiance is a given and if an American Citizen doesn't know it they have major problems. Thanks for reading my complaint and don't be one of these people.

I Give It A Ten

I just had my graduation party this past Saturday. I was actually pleasantly surprised at the amount of people that showed up. My mom and dad rented me this great hall, that is air conditioned which went over really well, because my father says Italian's don't like to sweat and he would know. Everyone thought it was a great party and they loved the food. Friends that came said they had never seen Italian food at a graduation party before. I live in a town where everyone is all about fried chicken and potato salad. Which is fine but I must say I prefer pasta. The hall was beautiful it had 4 giant chandeliers, archways, and Roman inspired columns. Plus, like I said, it was air conditioned. My mom and I did center pieces for 18 tables and they were really cool. We poured sea glass and clear marbles over tuel and put candles in the center. By the end of the night the little kids were building towers out of them. My mom actually bought so much stuff the lady at the check out line at the store thought I was getting married. Not hardly! Mom said when I do it's going to be ridiculous. I know it seems like I'm spoiled but I didn't ask for any of this, my parents just did it. They told me I was worth it because I am the first one in my family to go to college and because they are very proud of me. My mom gave a great speech and cried. I felt like I had just won the Nobel Peace Prize and all I did was graduate from high school. My parents are awesome (most of the time). I got a ton of cards and ended up banking quite a bit of money. The money is great, I'm not going to lie, but I was really happy that people showed up. I told my mom that I couldn't believe all these people liked me but she busted my bubble by saying she threated them bodily harm if they didn't show up. Just let me have my delusions for goddsakes! Every single one of the 18 tables was full and they each sat six, so because of that and the fact my mom was kidding about that whole bodily harm thing, I deem the party a success.

An Irish Guy Walks Into A Bar

A few weeks ago I went out to eat at the Olive Garden with a group of friends. Well, my great grandmother was born in Italy and her maiden name ended in an "O" so obviously I'm Italian. Boy did the, "Hey Nicci's Italian," jokes fly that night. I'm also Irish so if we ever go to O'Charley's I am so screwed. Ethnic jokes are completely about stereotypes and to be honest that's why they are funny. Everyone "gets" the stereotype. HaHa Irish people drink a lot. HaHa Mexican people can run fast. HaHa every Italian has a big nose and is in the mob. Don't get me wrong the jokes don't bother me and I know my friends mean no harm. They have never crossed the line and called me a racially derogatory name or anything like that (nor would I ever say anything like that to them). Plus I can take it but I can also dish it out. My best friend is Mexican (so if we ever go to Taco Bell she's going to get some serious payback for the Olive Garden mark my words) anyway she's Mexican and she's short so I call her the Wee Mexican. Now don't get insulted she calls me the Wee Italian so it's all good. It's all among friends all among friends. I think that as long as people don't get insulting or seriously disrespectful it's fine but at least make sure it's a mutual feeling and a good friend. Racism is a horrible thing.

One In The Morning

Sometimes I can't sleep. Before I would just watch TV or stare at the ceiling now I feel like I'm doing something productive. I'm typing and school's out for the summer. I'm getting ready to start college and I'm excited. That might be one of the reasons I can't sleep. I have so many thoughts racing through my head I don't know how to sort them all out. One night I even wrote a poem about the reason Why I'm Awake. I have that poem posted by the way. I have always been a night owl so to speak. I am one of those people who feels more awake at midnight then at noon. I don't know how I am going to cope with this when I'm older and have a job and obligations that have to be done in the daylight. The careers I want to pursue don't really have a third shift and if they did it would probably be the bottom of the barrel crap nobody wants to deal with. I guess I'm just going to have to get over this whole thing but it's easier said than done. If it were easy I would have done it by now obviously. But for now I'm just going stay the way I am it is summer after all and I am a teenager which means I'm supposed to sleep late. My father doesn't agree but he doesn't get home from work until 1 pm anyway. Eventually I'm going to get caught and he's going to do his whole, "You're going to sleep your life away!" speech followed by the famous, "You're going to wake up one day and be 35!" rant. Well at least I'll be well rested.

Who You Are Today

Clock ticking my patience away
Waiting to see who you are today
You're not the person you promised to be
I was giving you time for reality
But you took too long
Now everything is all wrong
You wasted the fact you were forgiven
And spent it all on the bad side of living
Just another thing used another thing failed
Followed the wrong tracks just to be derailed
All because of your stupidity
You put a whole in me
So many times something could have been done
That's a battle lost a war never won
There is no more fighting left to do
This happened because of you
You're hearing this in your mind
Tangled it's impossible to unwind
Where were you before all of this
It was important enough for you to miss
Just another thing used another thing failed
Followed the wrong tracks just to be derailed
All because of your stupidity
You put a hole in me
Too easy to be real
Just worried about how you feel
I'll be different now I swear
That's what you said but you don't care
Only changing when it benefits you
Then it's back to doing what you do
Clock ticking my patience away
Waiting to see who you are today

Copyright © 2008 By Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

Just Wondering

Sometimes I wonder what my life will be like when I'm 30. I have high expectations for myself and I want to know if I actually am going to meet them. My entire life my parents have told me that I am going to be amazing and I hope to god they are right. I wonder what my house is going to look like or even if I will have a house, maybe it will be an apartment, or maybe it will be a cardboard box in front of Wal-Mart. That's why I'm not so keen on the future, because I can't see it yet and that's frustrating for a person like me. I'm the type that needs to know everything and when I don't it eats at me until I do. It gets real old real quick. Worst case senario I don't even make it to 30 and that's the reason why I'm having such a hard time picturing it. But hey, lets not be so pessimistic, I'm only 18 after all. What I'm going to say next is completely predictable but I'm going to say it anyway: I just hope I'm happy. Yeah, and that I have an awesome place to live and my dream job. No cardboard box thank you.

Why I'm Awake

Restless thoughts take over my mind
A conclusion so far away is impossible to find
Memories in danger of being misplaced
Things I can never let be erased
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
Blinded by the glow of an orange street light
So many things to do not enough time
Take a deep breath you will be fine
I tell myself I am well prepared
I have no reason to be this scared
I'm strong I can take all they can give
I just want to choose the right life to live
I want to do something that causes a change
Doesn't matter what nothing is out of my range
The sun will be up very soon
It's okay I can sleep until noon
I'll be here tomorrow same time same place
With even more obstacles to face

Copyright © 2008 By Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

Parasite

I can see in your face you are wasting away
You get smaller inside with each passing day
Your house is full of words but none you want to hear
Becoming like them is your one biggest fear
The silence is louder there's always something wrong
You made a mistake you gave up where you belong
I wanted to help and you wanted to be free
But you took advantage and then betrayed me
I tried my best to ease your pain
But you can't function unless things are insane
You caused problems and disrupted my life
You told lies that cut my trust like a knife
I see the disgust in your eyes
You're becoming a person you hate you despise
I can see the streams of the tears you've cried
But I don't care because I've already tried
You find help then don't know what to do
I'm finished I've already rid myself of you
You try to hang on like a parasite
In the end you lose the fight

Copyright © 2008 By Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

I Am An Old Soul

History has always been important to me and I have a great amount of respect for the past. Maybe I dwell but I often think that the past is more important than the future because it has happened and cannot be changed and the future is uncertain because its just that, the future. The future is built on the past and would not exist without it. I believe we owe it to the people of the past to remember what happened and learn from it. So mistakes won't be made over and over and heroism isn't lost. I often think I was born too late almost, I guess, like Miniver Cheevey, but I don't plan to take up drinking. My mother says she thinks I was born 35 and that I am an old soul. Maybe she's right but what is an old soul exactly? Is it someone who has lived life a few times and is bored and misses things without knowing why? Or is it someone misplaced and in the wrong time? I wish I knew the answer to these questions! Maybe then I could explain my love for Frank Sinatra, Hitchcock movies, and old Cadillacs. I feel like I completely missed things I was supposed to live through. Or if looked at another way I did live through those things and wish I was back where I belong. I doubt I'll ever really know.