Drugged

I have officially been prescribed Ambien after I had 2 doctors spend a week trying to figure out whether it should be that or Lunesta. I just want to sleep hopefully now I can and I won't have to be on this medication for long term.

Forgotten

I sit here and wonder why my phone doesn’t ring
Why do you only call when you need me for something?
You just take what you can get and then disappear
I think this is something you need to hear
You don’t deserve me, I’m to good for you
You underestimated me you’re really the fool
I can replace you so easily
Because there is no one else like me

Copyright © 2008 by Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

All Quiet On The Midwestern Front

There hasn't been a whole lot going on in my life lately...to be honest it's been downright boring. The extent of the happenings I have been writing about, not sleeping, Boston, etc. By the way I think I forgot to mention that I'm not leaving for Boston until the start of my junior year in college. It's not as soon as I would like it to be but at least it seems like it's going to happen. Other than that it's been pretty event less. Man I need to take up an extreme sport or jump off things or something so I'm a little more exciting.

Good Grief

I still have not heard back from my doctor so I have no idea why I can't sleep. My insomnia has caused me to remember a quote from Fight Club, "With insomnia you're never really asleep and you're never really awake." Well that's true until your doctor drugs your ass, or attempts to anyway. Obviously it hasn't kicked in yet because it's 4 in the morning and I'm, you guessed it, AWAKE. I don't think that it's too much to ask to be able to sleep but evidently it is. I hoping that when I hear back from her, which better be tomorrow, I'll find out what exactly is wrong with me and I'll be able to fix it. Now to quote Jaws, "I can't take this abuse much longer."

VOTE FOR HIM!!!

It's just a suggestion...I definitely am.

Sleepless

Well it's no secret that I have wicked bad insomnia and get about 2 hours of sleep a night. Hopefully that will be a thing of the past after tomorrow (when I say tomorrow I actually mean in about 6 hours because it's fairly early in the morning but it's not "tomorrow" to me until the sun comes up) because I have a doctor's appointment to help me rid myself of this very exhausting condition. The believe it is my thyroid of all things which I think is crazy because I'm only 19 years old. But I am at the point now that as long as it's not leprosy and it's curable I don't care what's keeping me awake. As long as they know what it is and they can fix it I'll be happy. I just want an answer and a solution because all this sleeplessness is starting to catch up with me. Plus I'm not so fond of the dark circles under my eyes. My mom says she can't see them but they are there I tell you!!! My sleeplessness is the reason why I started this blog in the first place, to have something to occupy myself when I'm awake at 5 in the morning with nothing to do. I have always been nocturnal, a night owl so to speak, and I don't mind staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning but I draw the line at 7 and 8 which is what I have been staying up to. Even though I'm young I really can't take it any more. It's starting to affect me in bad ways. I can't remember things, I'm exhausted, I have zero energy. I highly doubt I'm much fun to be around but that should all be over after tomorrow. I have my fingers crossed. :)

Wondering...

I catch myself, more so now than ever before, wondering about my future. Meaning, where will I be in 5 years and such things as that. Hopefully I'll be published, I'm working on writing a book if you didn't know that, and living in Boston as a FBI agent or a DA. I hope I'm happy in my future, that's all I really want. I just want to be happy, feel safe and be with a man that loves me. I suppose I'm jumping the gun with that whole relationship thing, but nobody wants to be alone right? Not even me. Not that I need someone, I just want someone. My mom says I'm beautiful but I don't believe her. Maybe someday I will. Anyway that's getting off subject. I really want to make a difference in this world, that's my main goal. We all have a purpose, I believe mine is to make the world a safer place, believe it or not. I have a bad feeling that this is making me sound crazy, or just entirely too random. But that's me in a nutshell, random.

Unhappy

She looked at me and said
In this world when only the strong should survive
Tell me why, why the weak like me seem to thrive?
I know I shouldn’t be this way
I should want to stay
But I just don’t care anymore
I’m ready to lock all my windows and doors
And just sit in the silence until the end is here
But dying alone is my biggest fear
I can't believe the person in the mirror is me
How did I become so unhappy?

Copyright © 2008 by Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

Obsession

My obsession with Boston has peaked in the past few weeks. I want to live there so bad I can't stand it. What was that book that Oprah had on her show? The one about if you think it will happen enough it will? Oh, well I can't think of it right now. I do know that I have been hoping and praying about Boston a very large amount. I just feel like I need to be there. This is driving me nuts and in the process I'm probably driving my mom nuts because I keep asking her about it every 5 minutes. I know it probably isn't good for me to think about it so much but I can't help it. But on the other hand I'm afraid I may be jinxing it...what to do, what to do. If it would just happen I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Then I would have something else to talk about besides Boston. Hopefully in 3 months I'll be there and I'll a lot more to talk about :)

Crossing My Fingers

I am hoping that everything will iron out with the college I'm trying to go to in Boston. I'm in the process of trying to transfer from the one I'm at now. That's why my last post with the city skyline said I'd hopefully be living there in the not so distant future. Things don't seem to be going very well but I still have hope. I want to move there so bad I can't stand it so I'm just keeping my fingers crossed and praying for the best. If everything works out I can't even begin to express how happy I would be. I don't want to jinx it but I can't help but think about it every minute of every day. It's dominating my thoughts. Here's to hoping :)