Wondering...

I catch myself, more so now than ever before, wondering about my future. Meaning, where will I be in 5 years and such things as that. Hopefully I'll be published, I'm working on writing a book if you didn't know that, and living in Boston as a FBI agent or a DA. I hope I'm happy in my future, that's all I really want. I just want to be happy, feel safe and be with a man that loves me. I suppose I'm jumping the gun with that whole relationship thing, but nobody wants to be alone right? Not even me. Not that I need someone, I just want someone. My mom says I'm beautiful but I don't believe her. Maybe someday I will. Anyway that's getting off subject. I really want to make a difference in this world, that's my main goal. We all have a purpose, I believe mine is to make the world a safer place, believe it or not. I have a bad feeling that this is making me sound crazy, or just entirely too random. But that's me in a nutshell, random.

Unhappy

She looked at me and said
In this world when only the strong should survive
Tell me why, why the weak like me seem to thrive?
I know I shouldn’t be this way
I should want to stay
But I just don’t care anymore
I’m ready to lock all my windows and doors
And just sit in the silence until the end is here
But dying alone is my biggest fear
I can't believe the person in the mirror is me
How did I become so unhappy?

Copyright © 2008 by Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

Obsession

My obsession with Boston has peaked in the past few weeks. I want to live there so bad I can't stand it. What was that book that Oprah had on her show? The one about if you think it will happen enough it will? Oh, well I can't think of it right now. I do know that I have been hoping and praying about Boston a very large amount. I just feel like I need to be there. This is driving me nuts and in the process I'm probably driving my mom nuts because I keep asking her about it every 5 minutes. I know it probably isn't good for me to think about it so much but I can't help it. But on the other hand I'm afraid I may be jinxing it...what to do, what to do. If it would just happen I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Then I would have something else to talk about besides Boston. Hopefully in 3 months I'll be there and I'll a lot more to talk about :)

Crossing My Fingers

I am hoping that everything will iron out with the college I'm trying to go to in Boston. I'm in the process of trying to transfer from the one I'm at now. That's why my last post with the city skyline said I'd hopefully be living there in the not so distant future. Things don't seem to be going very well but I still have hope. I want to move there so bad I can't stand it so I'm just keeping my fingers crossed and praying for the best. If everything works out I can't even begin to express how happy I would be. I don't want to jinx it but I can't help but think about it every minute of every day. It's dominating my thoughts. Here's to hoping :)

My City

I will live here someday hopefully in the not so distant future.

N-O-C-T-U-R-N-A-L

I'm nocturnal, that's my preferred euphemism for insomnia. I can never sleep, unless it's raining like that girl in the Matchbox 20 song. By the time I actually manage to pass out from sheer exhaustion most normal people are just getting up. One of the reasons why I started this blog in the first place was to give me something to do on sleepless nights. That's the reason why have about a million and one posts leading up to when I started college. They taper off after that because I started spending the nights studying instead of spilling my guts on here. I had to sort out my priorities I suppose and ended up neglecting something I really liked to do. But now that there are no more assignments or overly dramatic friends to deal with I can get back to my blogging like I used to and start to say more of the nothing I prattle on about but hey it gives me something to do at 3:30 in the morning.

My Favorite GOP Debate Quote

"He is responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent Americans. He is now orchestrating other attacks on the United States of America. We will do whatever is necessary. We will capture him. We will bring him to justice, and I will follow him to the gates of hell."~ John McCain on Osama Bin Laden at the GOP Debates

I am officially beyond jazzed that John McCain formally announced his candidacy for President for the 2008 election by the way :)

College Student Returns...Again

I'm back home and trying to get into the swing of things. I got really used to being independent and living by myself. I love my family and I love being back home it's just strange that I feel like I have to re-establish my place in the household because for 9 months I really wasn't here except for on the weekends. It sort of sucked knowing that I wasn't in the mix of things anymore, I almost felt like an outcast when I came home on the weekends to discover something new had happened. Most of the time it was something minuscule but I still felt left out because if I had been living there constantly like I used to I would have known all about it. All in all I'm glad to be back home and I almost feel like it's the same as it was when I was in high school, I even got my old job at the video store back. I'm looking forward to the break and spending some quality time with my family, because I didn't get to see them as much as I should have.

Virginia Tech

Something has happened to make me come out of my long absence from blogging. The tragedy at Virginia Tech. My heart and prayers go out to all the victims, their families, and the school. I hope as a nation and a people that we can band together with them to offer some comfort if any is possible.

God Bless

FIGHTING WORDS

Ok, here's the deal, I'm a Republican and I have made no attempt to disguise that. It's what I am and if some don't like it I don't care. I may be a Republican but I am not a hard core conservative, I'm moderate. What that means, at least to me, is that I'm not liberal or conservative, too far left or right, I'm right smack dab in the middle. I think this is a good thing because I'm able to understand were both (totally different) sides are coming from. Well, I told you that to tell you this: I was in my American Politics class and my prof decided to split us up into three groups, liberal, conservative, moderate. Well, you would figure that I would be in the moderate category...no. I was put in the conservative group and wanted to put the girl sitting next to me head through the wall. I except everyone's point of view because I understand everyone has an opinion and 9 times out of 10 it's going to be different than mine. But there is a right way to disagree with someone and a wrong way, and basically telling me I'm stupid is the WRONG way. What is the subject my teacher gave us to discuss you may wonder...abortion. Yeah, people wanted to choke each other. She asked us where we stood on abortion in several different cases, rape, incest, mother's life is endanger. Well, the conservatives and the liberals didn't really have that hard of time because everything the conservatives said "no" to the liberals said "yes" to. Shocker there. The conservatives were against any type of abortion in any case. I personally believe that it should not be used as a form of birth control. I don't think a girl should be able to be promiscuous or just stupid and not use protection and the be able to say, "I'm going to the clinic." It should work that way, she chose to make the child she should have to carry it even if she just gives it up for adoption. But in the case of rape, and a lot of times in incest, the girl had no choice in the matter it happens by force or coercion. I believe that since the woman had no choice in creating the child she should be able to have a choice not to carry it. Because it is something she did not plan to do. She is going to spend 9 months of her life carrying her rapist's or a family member's baby. The emotional turmoil that would put her through is probably unbearable. The girl sitting next to me in the class said, "It's not the baby's fault, the baby has rights too." Ok, well just because you believe that doesn't mean you should be able to force that belief on someone else. It's easy to say things like, "She should carry that baby." When it isn't you. The mother should not have to forfeit her rights to a child she never intended on carrying in the first place. Plus you can't just think of these victims as grown women, what if the girl in question is 12 years old. Are you going to tell that child that she has to carry a baby after she went through the trauma of being raped, or incest? Are you going to make her go through the pain, and the stigma of being pregnant at such a young age? Also, lets say there's a chance (because there is) someone engaged in consentual incest, if the baby was conceived from incest there is a good chance the child would have major things wrong with it. Just some things to consider.