Reality Slap

"Loss is a theme that I think a lot about, and it’s something in my work that I dwell on. I think when you experience any kind of loss, especially the kind I did, you have questions about survival: Why do some people thrive in situations that others can’t tolerate? Would I be able to survive and get on in the world on my own?"
-Anderson Cooper-

I react differently to things than others. I guess it could be said that I am a little desensitized. I'm no unemotional robot, I just don't cry very easily. (The movie World Trade Center did make me cry like a baby, but people who aren't effected by that film are complete sociopaths). I have a reason for the way I am. I lost someone very special to me when I was younger and that loss, instead of making me weaker, made me stronger in a way I wouldn't have been without it. I would gladly trade this "strength" I have to get back the person that I lost, but I can't do that and I've come to terms with it. Loss isn't something a person gets over no matter what anyone says. I know and I wouldn't lie to you. Instead the loss becomes apart of the person and it's up to them whether it turns into a good part or a bad part. Some people can't function, they can't survive. It's like when there loved one died they died too but in a worse way: not in body but in soul. I refused to let this happen to me. I told myself I would turn something negative and hurtful into something postive and driving (it's why I'm getting involved in the justice system). I'm not going to sugarcoat anything: the loss never goes away, no matter how deep it's been buried it's still there, just because it can't be seen doesn't mean it's not real anymore, trying to hide just makes it more real than before. I understand this reality, but I wish it hadn't slapped me so hard.