It's Been Awhile.

Not much going on, that's why there haven't been many posts lately. I went and saw my school's theatre department production "Of Mice & Men". I was very impressed with it. The strange thing is that I wouldn't have gotten to go if I hadn't just so happened across a ticket lying on the sidewalk. I feel kind of guilty that my good fortune was the result of someone else having misfortune. I opened up an account at Blockbuster so I can rent all the videos that my store doesn't carry. I rode a public transportation bus for the first time yesterday. It was a milestone in my life, haha. Speaking of milestones, my 21st birthday is this coming Saturday and I'm not the least bit excited about it. I should be, but it's hard to when I don't think much is going to happen and I'm starting to feel old. Anyway, the next time you hear from me I'll more than likely be a legal adult in every way, shape, and form. Yay me.

Remember.

It's September 11th. Take some time out of your day to pay respects to the heroes and the people who lost their lives.

The First Week of My Junior Year.

So far everything is going pretty well here at school. I moved in on Saturday the 23rd and started class on Monday. All my professors are pretty great, but the course load that I have is going to take a lot of work. I knew that going into it, but it's different when you're actually doing it and not just speculating about it over the summer. My floor is way more social than it has been in the past, which is a big improvement from the antisocial grouches that were here last semester. All in all I have a positive outlook for this semester, even if it is going to be riddled with papers and research. I'm a history major I kind of saw that coming.

Quote from Dr. Reynolds: "Don't mess with historians, they have time on their hands."

Terror.

They say that when you're terrified, you show your true colors and who you really are. In my 20, almost 21 years on this planet I can honestly say I've never been terrified. I've been afraid of course, who hasn't? It's a basic human emotion, fear. This may sound twisted, but I actually sort of want to be scared out of my mind, because I want to find out who I really am. I would like to believe I'm brave, that I can handle anything thrown at me with grace and dignity, that I wouldn't run and leave other people in the same situation in my cowardly wake. But the truth is I really don't know myself that way, because I've never had the opportunity to find out. We as people tend to believe what we want to about ourselves, and give ourselves qualities that in reality we do not possess, but in our defense some of us don't know we're doing that. We've just never had the chance to prove otherwise. If the day comes, and I get this crazy wish of mine granted, I hope I find out I'm the person I think I am, and that if I'm faced with a horrifying situation I can handle it, even though I'd be more afraid than I've even been in my entire life. I hope that if there are others involved (and I pray to god with everything I have there isn't because I would never wish this on another person) that I would want to help them, and not run. In my heart of hearts I believe I wouldn't run, but like I said in this case believing doesn't mean anything. In all honesty I should probably knock on wood, and be careful what I wish for, but if fate has this in store for me, then fate wins.

Live & Let Live.

I move back into my dorm on the 23 and I can't wait. I feel like I'm getting my life back finally. This has been the summer without end. I love being at home, and being with my family, but I'm not used to having this much time on my hands. My favorite part of the summer was getting to work more hours at the video store. It's a job that I've had since I was 16 and I'll be 21 in October. So needless to say I've been there for awhile and I get along and really like everyone I work with. I get to stay on the schedule for the weekends through the school year and I'm pretty jazzed about that. Yeah, I know, strange girl that likes to work, but I do. But I'm very happy to be going back to school. Hopefully this semester will be as good as I hope.

Sleepless.

It's 5:37 in the morning and I'm still awake. This insomnia is starting to take it's toll on me. I would post something of more substance, but I just don't have the energy. I wish I could sleep.

Carousel.

Another new layout. I happened across it and thought it was amazing so here it is. I hope you like it. Also I have a new tag board. You don't have to type in your name you can just put guest, also you don't have to put in your website either. Feedback is appreciated. It lets me know if anyone is reading.

I Want To Believe.

I can't wait for the release of this movie. I've been waiting 6 years for them to do something. The closer it gets to the 25th the more excited I get.

Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?

why do you let me stay here? by She & Him

Different Decisions .

The decisions we make shape who we are. They "decide" which path we go down, what people we stick with, what place we live, and so on. But, if one of those past decisions were altered, if you had chosen a different one instead, where would your life be now? I found that I was asking myself that on my walk yesterday. That's probably the reason why I was thinking about paths in the first place. But, anyway, I started to wonder, what if I had decided this, what if I had decided that instead? Would all roads lead me to where I am anyway? Are we slaves to fate? Or do we have more power than we are willing to admit. I like to believe that my own choices, not fate's, lead me to where I am, but then again I like to believe in the power of fate, and that there's something big for me in the works that I don't know about. The way I think about fate is like thinking someone you've never met is going to knock on your front door and present you the keys to a brand new car, but I entertain the notion of it anyway. So of course my mind started to wander a little off track. I like to think that there's something far bigger than us all, because it lightens the seriousness people try to shove out on a daily basis. If we are so small in the grand scheme of things, you really should lighten up. Not that I'm trying to take away from the power that is life, instead I'm saying that if you focus on the serious aspect, you're worrying, and if you're worrying, you're not living, and you should be. I think you'll find that more living happens when it's not trying to be done.

I know I'm where I'm at for a reason, and I know that I helped shape it somewhat. But I also acknowledge fate's role in it. My decision might not have been ones on that grand of scale, but that will change in the future. I plan to work hard, and do the best I can to help as many people as I can. I know that life will keep up with me, and I'm not going to try to force "living", because it's just something that happens in the midst of everything else.