Oh, No Not I, I Will Survive...I Think.

So it's Thursday of finals week here at school. It's my last day and I have 4 exams down and one to go. I'm so stressed out I can't stand it. But I get like this every time midterms and finals roll around. I'm a nervous wreck, what can I say. I officially haven't sleep for 2 nights in a row and I'm so tired I can't stand it. My dad told me that all of this stress will pay of in the long run and I hope he's right. When I'm not studying, I'm writing. I started a book when I was 16 and have yet to finish it 4 years later. It's probably because I keep erasing everything and starting over. It just never seems good enough. So I decided 2 nights ago that I'm just going to write and have to be ok with wherever that takes me. They say first instincts are the best so I'll go on mine and see what happens. I'm not going to say what it's about but it is what I would consider an epic. I'm very excited and I can't wait to see if maybe one day it will be published. Right now it's just a diversion from real life and entertainment during bouts of severe insomnia. But maybe it'll turn into something I can really be proud of. Until then I must focus on finals...ugh.

Sorry...

The likelihood of me posting anything of substance for November is pretty bleak. I'm just too busy, and it all would be repetitive nonsense anyway. I'm following the presidential race and you should be too. Go Senator McCain!!! I'll make up for my lack of posting later.

Left Out

Recently it seems that every girl I went to high school with is either, in a serious relationship, engaged, or married, and I just graduated in '06. I can't help but feel a little left out. Like maybe there is some secret meeting or club that I'm never invited to. It's very strange to see everyone that I've known pretty much all my life change so quickly. Meanwhile, I'm at school pursuing my education, thinking about law school, and contemplating transferring to Boston, Mass. I know that I'm not doing the wrong thing, in fact I'm doing the right thing by furthering my education and whatnot, I just feel that somehow, somewhere along the way I didn't pick up that valuable piece of information everyone else seems to be so well read on. I've been so headstrong about my future I've paid absolutely no attention to the present and I believe I am paying for that now. I know there is no way to make up for lost time but maybe I can make the rest of my years worthwhile. I'm only 20, I hope I have the time that suggests. It's not that I want to be married at this age, I'm just wondering if I skipped the part where I was told it was a requirement. As for the relationship thing, I'll probably be the old lady at the end of the street with 57 cats all named Bob. But they say that good things come to those who wait, I guess I'll keep on waiting.

20 Things

Idea from Maria.

1. I am a Republican (okay I've mentioned that, but I don't think I've mentioned I'm a maverick Republican)
2. I don't hate math, it hates me. Well, actually I hate it too.
3. I read about 5 books a week along with an assortment of articles, poems, and short stories.
4. My favorite type of book is historical fiction.
5. I thought about being a History teacher for about 3 seconds then realized I didn't have the patience for it.
6. When I walk into a library I immediately feel like I belong.
7. I'm extremely proud of my heritage.
8. I am a walking encyclopedia for movies. When my friends have a question about one they ask me.
9. I am very well educated on Greek, Roman, and Norse Mythology.
10. When I was in 5th grade one of my poems was published in a book. It was the worst poem I have ever written.
11. My favorite artists are Vincent Van Gogh and Johannes Vermeer, and Andy Warhol.
12. Before I wanted to be involved in the justice system I wanted to be an Archaeologist.
13. I hate little boats.
14. I can cuss in Italian thanks to my Uncle Louie.
15. My favorite actor is Kevin Spacey. The man is talented.
16. My favorite T.V shows are House, Law & Order CI, Monk, Nancy Grace, Anderson Cooper 360, Forensic Files, Man vs. Wild, Ghost Hunters, and The Soup.
17. I have two tattoos, one on the back of my left ankle and one around my right ankle.
18. My middle name is Charity, my mother's middle name is Faith, and my grandmother's middle name is Hope.
19. I collect black and white pictures and rosaries.
20. I believe in ghosts, but only if Jason Hawes and Grant Wilson say they are real.

REMEMBER SEPTEMBER 11TH

I can't believe its been six years...It feels like it happened just yesterday. I still remember what I was wearing.

Calm Before The Storm

So here it is just hours before I'm set to get up to start moving back into my dorm room and I'm still awake (shocker there). My mom already started crying a week ago, possibly even before that. I hate leaving her, I wish I could stay a teenager and forever live in her house as a child because I know she would love nothing more, but I can't. In just a couple months I'll be 20, out of my teen years forever. I want to grow up, I don't have a Peter Pan complex, I just hate seeing my mother cry. I hope she knows that I love her and I can't stand it when I can't walk downstairs and talk to her face to face when I want. I have a bad feeling that this year in school is going to be a lonely one for me because there were quite a few bridges burned last semester before the summer. I have no desire to repair them. So I'm going to have to find new friends and maybe just maybe I'll pull my head out of my ass long enough to find a boyfriend. It's a strange feeling I have tonight, I'm happy to be going into my sophomore year, sad to be leaving home, and angry because I have to put up with the girls that weren't there for me when I needed them. Should be fun times.

What A Waste

Well, the Ambien didn't work. Needless to say I'm not too terribly shocked about that. Otherwise not much has been happening. I really don't have enough to say to put in this blog. Sometimes that upsets me, other times I get a little realistic and realize that I'm probably the only person that reads any of this. I guess right now that I feel that the Ambien and this blog are a waste. Hopefully I'm wrong on both counts.

Drugged

I have officially been prescribed Ambien after I had 2 doctors spend a week trying to figure out whether it should be that or Lunesta. I just want to sleep hopefully now I can and I won't have to be on this medication for long term.

Forgotten

I sit here and wonder why my phone doesn’t ring
Why do you only call when you need me for something?
You just take what you can get and then disappear
I think this is something you need to hear
You don’t deserve me, I’m to good for you
You underestimated me you’re really the fool
I can replace you so easily
Because there is no one else like me

Copyright © 2008 by Nicci

All of my poems/songs are really copyrighted so DO NOT steal them I will find you.

All Quiet On The Midwestern Front

There hasn't been a whole lot going on in my life lately...to be honest it's been downright boring. The extent of the happenings I have been writing about, not sleeping, Boston, etc. By the way I think I forgot to mention that I'm not leaving for Boston until the start of my junior year in college. It's not as soon as I would like it to be but at least it seems like it's going to happen. Other than that it's been pretty event less. Man I need to take up an extreme sport or jump off things or something so I'm a little more exciting.